A HOLLOW EVENING !!



A melancholy evening is where I stood. The day had passed somehow; at times painstakingly slow, at other times without even letting me know. But it had passed and now the evening stared at me. Why, why did the evening stare at me with this cold, hollow gaze? I know the night would come soon and I would get lost in it, engulfed in darkness, peaceful in sleep. But how do I reach the night without crossing the unending chasm of evening. The evening got more plangent as the drops of time dripped into the ocean of day. I wish I could handle it better; maybe I could sleep through it. But I knew sleeping would only push me into deeper throes of unexplained, unreasonable pain, a pain ironically created out of vacuum. Why was all this so difficult?


Image from: LuvARiddle.wordpress.com
As a kid, I would look forward to evenings, time to play, to see the sunset and also to see a flock of birds returning home to family and safety. This has always been my favorite feeling and makes me feel warm, safe and peaceful all at once. The birds returning home, syncing their timing with the setting sun. What an elegant and simple way of life!! Evenings would be times to watch cartoons, jump from swings, play cricket, ride bicycles, greet elders taking walks and more than anything watch the sky awestruck, wishing the sun would last a little longer, pulling out some more moments of daylight for us to play with. And then the grand end of evening; mom’s scolding for being late.


Image from: Bhibhubikram.com
But why do I feel hollow now, is it because I had stopped playing, or living in cities I had forgotten the setting sun. Whatever be the reason, there was a yawning void in my heart and one which I have no idea how to fill. I prefer to lose myself in work, or in company of others, but away from the ever inviting sunset. I guess I am scared of realizing how much I miss my childhood and how it passed in a blur. Losing myself is superficial because I know the evening is waiting for me, ever the same smiling. It has not changed, I have and that is a truth accepting which is becoming difficult.

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