THIRTY !!

Cold sweat broke on my forehead. The time was less than an hour away, and the hands of clock refused to let up on their internal perpetual race with each other. I did not know what to do, my head started to swirl I felt high, dizzy and for one of the few times I could actually feel the earth rotating. Funny how life can show you what science has always told you. My hands were trembling and my hollow gaze followed the clocks with hands still racing.

50 minutes: That is all I had before I turned thirty. How did this happen, who got me here, and more importantly when? I must have been kidnapped and put in a time free zone because I certainly did not age but everyone around me seemed to be aging. Why then did I not remember being kidnapped? Thirty would be three decades and that was a long time. In today’s fast paced world of T20 cricket, thirty is the new century. I shuddered at the blasphemous thought. What would go first my hair, health or lifestyle? Would I lose my friends, would my relationships change? In my state of utter despair I did not even realize my friends would also be aging at the approximate pace as me. The burden of the broken dam of questions and thoughts was crushing me. I did not know where to turn to, whom to ask for answers. My friends would laugh at my questions and my parents would be puzzled.

35 minutes: Maybe it was time to reflect; it is said that before you die your life passes you in a flash. My flashback seemed only slightly longer. I had a happy life till now; I was fairly healthy, decently educated and working. There had been sporadic black clouds of insecurity but more often than not I had bought these clouds on myself. I would remember being twenty and the ocean of life lay ahead of me; vast, unending and full of mysteries. What had changed, the opportunities were same if not more. I had become more stable and even more accepting of life; the only thing that might have diminished was the constant fight against life.

15 minutes: I switched off my phone and locked my room. I switched off the lights and tried to calm myself down. I did not wish for a barrage of wishes congratulating me on turning thirty (as if getting older was an achievement). The past few months had been a blur anyways; hopping from marriage of one friend to another’s engagement. Being stuck between a sense of security and a feeling of despair about my actions and plan. I was still not sure about my life, although I accepted life, a voice inside squeaked do not survive, thrive; but how?

5 minutes: Maybe I could pinch myself out of this dream. Maybe I was on a planet where each day and night was of thirty years and it was time for me to wake up. But no amount of pinching, creating blood clots woke me up from my imaginary dream. I decided to give in, to surrender to my fears, to raise the white flag. I accepted my life full of imperfections, accepted my journey filled with detours and thanked God for all that I had experienced over the past years. I did not ask for a last miracle, I shut my eyes and lost myself in the silence. I was still the same and had already turned thirty.